I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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