After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
