I'm gonna have a badass scar
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
