Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
