tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
