Three words: puerto rican gang bang
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
