just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
