My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
