You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
