You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
