i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
