god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
