Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
