but the lizard people decide everything anyway
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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