Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
