I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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