If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
