I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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