Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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