I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
