Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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