OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
