I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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