I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My ass is underappreciated
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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