I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
