sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
