this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
