I'm lost and stupid without you.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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