Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize