Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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