walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
