sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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