it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
