put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
