Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize