you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
