Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
