I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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