i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize
