Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize