you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
