new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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