I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
