My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
