I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
