there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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