Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
