you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
