This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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