What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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