Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
