Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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