I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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