It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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