You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
