My hand turned me down
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
