Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
