The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so let's talk penis.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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