You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
