This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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