I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
