Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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