hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
