i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
