Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i think we sleep fucked last night...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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