My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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