Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
