paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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