Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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