ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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