He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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