Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
