wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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