I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
