I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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