I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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