but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
