i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
