He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
