i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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