I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
