my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
don't judge my taste in strippers
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
