I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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