Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
