Im at strip club and am horny
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
