mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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