Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize