She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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