Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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