How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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