After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
