I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
